He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
