My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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