I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
