He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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