My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
