I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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