I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
