i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
