Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
