he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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