dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
