Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
