The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
