Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Congratulations! We have a period
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