i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
