Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
