I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
