So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
