i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
