Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
