so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
