I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
