if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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