I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
