i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Randomize
