this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
