I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
