Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize