Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
