What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
