is your mom at the bar?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i used baking grease as lip gloss
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
