just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
