I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
