She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
COCAINE IS GR8
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
