Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
