meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
