there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
