filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
