I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
