Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just had sex bonerless
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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