YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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