So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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