Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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