we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
