dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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