Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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