I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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