remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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