Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
