I got chris browned last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i think i just lost a toe
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
