Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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