Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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