just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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